1st Notice
*To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
*To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Buster & Lola,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I FALL faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. Furthermore, sleeping practically on top of me isn't necessary. Trust me, I will stay warm without your furry body pushed up against mine so much that I have your bum in my face. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine attendance is not required.The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
2nd Notice
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1 They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like some people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children. *
7 comments:
Well that was just the cutest little post ever! You are just an adorable pet lover! When you come to my house, please don't complain that the ducks are laughing at you and you have duck poo all over your shoes! They live there, you don't! LOL, I crack myself up!
That was a really cute post. It made me smile and laugh. I do understand that pets are a part of the family. We have only had the priveledge of having a beta fish and I didn't think of it as family, but it would probably be different with a dog.
Did you write that yourself? I'm so impressed! Good writing, I say!
Ummm, you could get a California king for a bed... I'm just saying. That way maybe, just maybe, there won't be any dog bums in your face.
This is so funny! I love it. It is completely true about how great pups are. I hope that some day I will have another one of my own that I can love and call me baby again. And no matter how big your bed is they will still stick there bums in your face...sorry Holly.
That was a great post Sandy! You are such a good dog owner. Buster and Lola are lucky to have you.
Oh, PS - I know that last item about why dogs and cats are better than kids was specially for me. I wish I could sell her kid for her!!!
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